Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
