If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wear drunk well.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
