Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
