I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
