If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
