I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
