even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
