She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
