I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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