My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
