As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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