That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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