I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize