Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
