I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
