thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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