I just threw up on my dentist
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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