yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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