Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
