I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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