when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
