Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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