God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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