i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
