We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
