I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
