ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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