Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
