i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
love makes seman taste better
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
