Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
