I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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