I haven't been this sober since birth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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