You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i came on her dog
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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