Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
