Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
