Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
