I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
