I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
