What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
