My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is my gift to your gina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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