I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
