My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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