I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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