Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
