I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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