LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
