Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
