theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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