Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How external is "for external use only"?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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