Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
