Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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