College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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