Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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