RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
