his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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