I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
