is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would punch a child for taco bell
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
