RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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