with your own penis?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
