He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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