Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
