So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
