Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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