I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
