Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
