Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
