i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
