Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
