yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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