Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
