i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
