I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
