Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
