I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
