I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
