While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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