you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
