who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
