clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
